So in the last month I have added stressful situations back into my life. So far my blood sugars have been great. Paying more attention to my readings and not trying to hide my diabetes has helped. After all I have a chronic illness I am going to have bad days, this does not mean that I have failed.
Trying to move forward at the beginning did not phase me. I was super calm and ready to take on the world… But there still those days when I want to scream at either a computer, a system that doesn’t work or someone being negative. It has been hard and still is hard. One thing I ask myself is it necessary to let someone or let myself make me feel this way? The answer is usually no. Don’t take your anger out on me and please do not give me unwanted advice whether that be from a stranger or a close friend. “Don’t get drawn into their storm but bring them into your peace”.
Unlike some people I try not to embarrass myself when someone is sounding off at me by answering back… This then leads to the gremlin inside me that has made up arguments or keeps replaying the drama over and over in my head. I thought I had beat this by going running… But no it now torments me in my sleep. I will regularly wake up every night panic stricken that I am trapped and either try to escape from my bedroom window or fight to open the door. I have checked my blood sugars as it happens every night an hour into sleep… And no I’m not having a hypo. It’s my anxiety creeping back into my life. So if it’s not getting me in the day it gets me at night.
I am still wondering how I am going to overcome this other than to escape negativity and as Gav says I need to learn to not give a …. Damn. It is hard to break the habit of a lifetime. I’m hoping my next meeting with my councillor In a couple of weeks she can make some suggestions… Running? Check yoga? Check….. Kick boxing hmmm possibility!!
I am beginning to accept that I cannot change everyone and everything and just take it for what it is. Trying to appreciate all the small things in life that make me well and truly happy and people’s kindness.
I have recently joined Birchfield Harriers Running Club, last Thursday we went out on a warmer than normal evening for a long run. It was extremely strenuous and numerous hills! By the end of the run after 1 hr and 20 mins I was hypo. Maybe I should have checked more or eaten more bloody bananas before going for a run I’m not sure either way I was hypo. The coaches Barry and Alex came back for me and walked back with me. I do not expect anyone to do this for me. I hate feeling like a hinderance to others when I am a hinderance to myself. This week they apologised to me and everyone else as it was a longer than normal run – I’m guessing nearly 8 miles (especially with walking home etc). I really appreciated the guys coming back for me it really touched me. Most people are ignorant and think I will be okay. This has restored my faith in people – there are nice people out there who actually care and don’t pretend! I also have to thank these guys each week I am getting stronger and when I feel physically stronger my mind feels stronger too.
So I guess I am going to be okay as long as I keep moving forward, accept that I’m going to have bad days, look forward to the good times ahead and also remember the ones that have gone by. Remember to take one thing at a time Rome wasn’t built in a day… Ha. Remember what fantastic people I have in my life, the ones that count and realise why the ones don’t.
Bring on the next couple of months, fantastic times volunteering with some inspirational type 1 diabetics. After all we are the coolest bunch of people out there 🙂
Surround yourself with love and kindness and great things will happen.
Sending hugs and kisses to all your amazing people who have made everything great that is happening to me now possible!
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